I can't say that I believe in god anymore, I mean would God let me suffer? Would god let me end my life? Where is god? Because I don't see him.

It's normal to have these kinds of questions when you are feeling down. In fact, I had these same questions. I went through a period of time where I "hated God" for not being there in my lowest moment, but he was. All the time you think that phrase "God is always with you" is cliche, but it's true. He may not be there holding your hand away from your arm to protect you from the blade but, he's the one watching over you. He's the one who will be there when you come out a stronger person. I had my share of half-attempted suicides and you know why he didn't make a move? They weren't real. I never actually wanted to kill myself. I was searching for someone to give me the attention I needed. I didn't feel loved but all along, he was loving me. I never saw it though and one day, I just did it. I was a pinch away from death and I woke up. Why? Because God. He saved me. He said, "Child you are not ready to go." Though I didn't hear his voice or feel his touch, I felt him. I felt him the moment I opened my eyes to look at a mother I didn't think cared enough and saw her eyes puffy, red, and tear-filled. He wanted me to see that I was more important than I thought to myself. So again I ask, religion has failed you? I think not. I think that your mind is failing you. Your mind is giving you all these dangerous thoughts and you want to be mad at something, anything that gives you that emotion because any emotion, well that keeps you hanging on. Religion or not, don't let your mind end your life. Don't let the enemy control and rot your brain. Save yourself today, it's not too late.